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Bad Literature Contest

 
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anneke
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Joined: 23 Jan 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 3:14 pm    Post subject: Bad Literature Contest Reply with quote

A friend of mine just sent me an email telling me about this contest.

It is an international literary parody contest, the competition honors the memory (if not the reputation) of Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873).
The goal of the contest is childishly simple: entrants are challenged to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels.

And do they ever! Laughing

Quote:
She walked toward him, her dress billowing in the wind -- not a calm and predictable billows like the sea, but more like the billowing of a mildewed shower curtain in a cheap motel where one has to dance around to avoid touching it while trying to rinse off soap.


Quote:
When the great Italian archeologist, Giovanni Battista de Rossi, broke through the centuries of choking rubble and rock in the abandoned catacombs under Rome and the dust cleared, he held his blazing torch high, pickup a flat, dirt-encrusted object with a row of teeth, examined it with his educated eye, and exclaimed, "By the saints, I do believe I've discovered another ancient kitty comb."


Quote:
Patricia wrote out the phrase 'It was a dark and stormy night' exactly seventy-two times, which was the same number of times she stabbed her now quickly-rotting husband, and the same number of pages she ripped out of 'He's Just Not That Into You' by Greg Behrendt to scatter around the room -- not because she was obsessive compulsive, or had any sentimental attachment to the number seventy-two, but because she'd always wanted to give those quacks at CSI a hard time.


More can be found here:
http://www2.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2005.htm
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Jason Patterson
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Joined: 29 Jun 2003
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 8:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm.... strangely those openings sound like those I write Shocked

"By cracky I do believe I can win this contest!"
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anneke
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Joined: 23 Jan 2004
Posts: 9305

PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 10:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL I wondered if people would want to add their own versions.

How about worst way to start a book about egyptology?
Worst paragraph to start off a egyptian historical novel?


"After burning several mummies our team of researches has concluded that the mortal remains were not heavily perfumed. Our article will describe the methodology and results of our in-depth investigation."


"After long hard work (well, we thought about it for 5 minutes) and a thorough search of the literature (we quizzed several drunk people in a bar) we have come to the conclusion that...."

Have to think about a bad way to start a historical novel. Shouldn't take too long .... Laughing
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teamtunafish
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Joined: 31 Jul 2005
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How about "She sat at her ease in the covered part of the boat, watching the rivermen's muscles slither like asps under their skin."?
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anneke
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Joined: 23 Jan 2004
Posts: 9305

PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 9:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing I can't tell if that's the first line of a badly written romance novel (are there any others? Smile ) or the start of a horror flick...

"watching the rivermen's muscles slither like asps under their skin."
Oh wait...., no ..., they're beetles Shocked
Oh boy, I'm having that nightmare from the mummy movie again!
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teamtunafish
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 11:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He he he it's working!
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